Garth's World

Persistence

A couple of weeks ago Steve Martin invited me to speak to his two classes that he teaches about sales at Haas School of Business (Berkeley). On the drive over I realized that I was actually quite nervous. Since  the students have regular access to all sorts of big name CEOs and smarty pants entrepreneurs, I was thinking that I might come off like some snarky sales joker who “stepped in it” with Jigsaw. Plus, I haven’t been anywhere that resembles an academic environment for almost 20 years- my vocabulary has been reduced to hackneyed business expressions, “you knows,” and profanity. Am I a credible presenter of anything interesting to an intellectual audience? Was I going to get yawned off the stage? 

Well, it all went fine. Steve teed me up so I could reel off one story after another, Jigsaw has an investment history and successful history that they understand clearly, the swearing police never showed and sales is a subject that is just now starting to show up in B-school curriculums, so it was very easy to pass off what I consider daily life as a bit of a primer (this blog is living proof).  I left with that rejuvenated feeling that all salespeople get when a meeting has gone really well, the “high” that makes you momentarily forget the daily stress caused by your quota, those uncooperative prospects,  your slow motion co-workers, a demanding family and the eternal time deficit that we all run these days. I’m surprised that I didn’t levitate my PT Cruiser (rental, of course) back over the Bay Bridge on big fat head ego fumes alone.

Back on earth, I realize that I learned a lot from the questions that those students asked me-or more specifically from my answers. Time and time again I kept coming back to the theme that there is no magic process or plan for starting a business, or getting a sale. You just need to be persistent in the face of challenges, never give up or let self doubt cloud your resolve. It sounds so annoyingly simple, but persistence is the only trait that I have seen common in all successful people- from salespeople to CEOs to founders of companies.

When it comes to sales, I’m not talking about a penchant for annoying and aggressive communications. Nothing is more pathetic than a sales guy who tries to talk someone into something. Don’t put that idiot pan on your head and repeatedly slam yourself into a brick wall by ignoring it when a specific individual tells you “no.” But do make sure you that you have exhausted all other avenues and connections, and that you have in fact been given a “no” for good. Time changes outlooks, goals and (particularly now) personnel- you want to be in position to get the business if it is out there.

I battle with self doubt all the time. So does everyone, on some level. Even Fowler, who I swear thinks everyday is Christmas because he gets to work at Jigsaw, gets bogged down sometimes.  It’s how you resist that temptation to agree with that little voice in your head that says that you’re a big pretender (like everyone else isn’t) that makes you a sales success.  People with strength of purpose or inner drive propel themselves to the top. Perseverance is the one thing that all top salespeople that I know have- it trumps personality, brains, talent, charisma…even luck.

OK, Richard Simmons moment is over. Stop reading blogs and pick up the phone.

From Whiteboard Stickmen to One Million Members

On May 17th, 2004, Jim Fowler called all the Jigsaw employees (8 people) into our flea infested conference room to show us the result of 4 months of feverish effort. He typed in www.jigsaw.com and up came our home page in 3 shades of “pansy blue”, complete with our Cartoon Network inspired  logo, a basic search box , and an Excel -looking list showing  20 of the 50,000 contacts we had acquired to lure new members in to share with us. After executing a couple searches, Fowler grabbed the sales team (me and three guys I got off Craig’s List) and showed another application that the developers had built in parallel to the main site, a barebones CRM system that we called (and still do) “Admin.” Listed there were the members that had signed up to help us build our business- a total of 8 with yours truly as the first registered member.  Fowler, beaming with pride, declared for the first of what now has been at least 1,000 times, “Gentlemen, this community of users is the foundation that will allow us to grow into a public company.”  What was running through my mind: “Fowler is the joker in the deck that we used to build this house of cards- how did I get sucked into playing this dot bomb poker game again?!”

As we celebrate the millionth member signing onto the system this weekend, those Web 2.0 pioneering days seem so long ago. Yesterday I waited on the phone while a prospective partner signed up for a membership on Jigsaw, and from the time she said that she had finished the registration until I was able to login into the (same old) Admin system, which took one minute, seven other people had registered. What took 4 months, $750,000 of hard fought VC and angel money to get in 2004, Jigsaw now adds in under a minute.  The experiment that two sales guys hatched to “crowd source” (not coined until 2006) business cards has now grown into “the go-to resource for sales and marketing professionals [to] access accurate and complete BtoB data.”

With Linked In’s announcement of their 50 millionth sign-up, you might be tempted to belittle our accomplishment. But first you have to realize that each one of Jigsaw’s members can add or, more importantly, update thousands of contact and business profiles. In fact, Jigsaw’s top member has added over 474,000 contacts to the database (Thank You- SigChi!). Of course the average member does much less, but right now our rate of growth for the database with 1MM potential contributors is 730,000 new contacts and 70,000 new companies per month.  As net new contacts and businesses become harder to come by, members looking for credit on the system must update the information Jigsaw currently has (16.5 MM contacts and 3MM companies to date). The Network Effect might be taking some shots in the press as the outrageous revenue promises of many social networks fail, but Jigsaw remains a shining example of each new node on the network producing an exponential addition to the value of the overall system.

Holy Sh^t- we have a million freakin’ members!!!!!!!!!

PS It may appear that we are tripping over each other trying to slap each other on the back, but Jigsaw’s success is 100% due to the efforts of our Community. In addition to providing great data, we are trying to give back in every way possible with initiatives like The Corner, which gives our members a place to ask questions, start discussions, share resources and connect with other Community members with all the latest social media tools available. Check out the new forums- and feel free to take a crack at Jigsaw Guy (my avatar name).

No Reprieve for the Infirm

Is there anything that blows more than being sick as an adult? 

On the home front, there are endless meals to be prepared and cleaned up, things to be fixed, stories to be read, fights to be broken up, the endless social calendar algorithm to be negotiated.  I can almost forgive my wife for eyeing me with thinly veiled disdain (and every dad knows verbatim that “no sniffle you have compares to 10 months of being pregnant”). It reminds me of my high school football coach who would blame every loss on the fact that the “walking wounded” didn’t prepare enough in the offseason to avoid getting hurt and couldn’t play in games. In public (I am currently on a plane) you can feel the hostile glances as you cough and sneeze into your elbow. I actually thought the automaton at the security line might call me out as a possible H1N1 quarantine candidate, until I realized she was much more concerned that her replacement was late returning from a break than actually detecting any public threat (must have only been a Level Mauve security day). And finally at work, particularly for the quota carrying salesperson, the ever increasing work pile yields to no personal affliction.

 

The entire corporate world is prejudiced against the ill.  People that are “out sick” are always under immediate suspicion, as if all maladies were self inflicted like the “Irish Flu” or a social disease. I’m no better; I proudly state that I never missed work when I was in sales due to illness--meaning I showed my diseased face around one lap of the office, made a couple vital calls, and split, but then tacked all sick days off onto vacations or weekends. Like most Silicon Valley work camps, Jigsaw doesn’t even have sick days- you simply have a 15 days of personal time off (PTO). If you get mono? Too bad! No vacations for your family for a couple years. That’ll teach you to get yourself sick.

My point? I’m sick right now and I have to still be on a flight to some conference and write this blog and deal with hundreds of member issues and still keep my deals moving.  I’m going to let my 5 year old copy this blog in the journal that we make him write in every time he says “No Fair.”

 

No, not really. As a companion piece to my hangover cures, I’m going to impart some of the (legal) remedies that have pulled me out of bed and got me up in front of clients for years now.

 

8. Sleep. Usually it is a lack of sleep that has at least contributed to you catching the latest bug, so prioritize what needs to get done and deal with it, then pick your favorite knockout drug and sleep like a high school kid.

 

7. Sweat. If you don’t have time to sleep (I’m sure 97% of you skipped over item 10), then hit the trail, pump iron, work the thighmaster- -whatever gets you going. If you can’t physically move, then find a sauna, steam room, or furnace closet. Try the conference room where all the engineers have “meetings.” I don’t care what the warnings say- -sweating works.

 

6. Take a shower. Even if it is your third one today (this week).

5. Drink Ginger Ale. Sprite isn’t the same. Supposedly there is something in ginger that settles your stomach, but I seriously doubt that Schweppes is putting enough root in there to do much. It might just be a placebo that stimulates memories from being sick as a kid.

 

4.  Shut up. Many times the first thing to go for me when I catch even a slight cold is my voice, and there is nothing to bring back the audio portion of the Garth circus but silence. There used to nothing more useless than a sales guy that couldn’t talk, but thankfully we now have email, IM and texting!

 

3. Alka Seltzer. There is a reason that they haven’t updated their brand since 1950, yet they stay in one of the most competitive businesses out there. Fizzing up the chemicals that fight cold and flu symptoms makes them work better.

 

2. Speed it up. Ephedrine used to be as close as the nearest packie store, but the meth nation ruined it for everyone. Allergy medicines like Claritin (you have to get behind the counter for the good stuff) can resuscitate your body enough to get you through a presentation or two. But you better not apply the defibrillator more than once (Clear!), though, or you will start sounding “like Pookie in New Jack.”

 

1. Test and Invest. Everybody has their own remedies, because they think that they felt better after taking them. I chalk this up to the power of the mind (yes, I lived in CA for 15 years). Try everything and go back to what works for you.

 

Good luck getting back on your feet- because illness symptoms are like dreams, everyone has ‘em from time to time, but no one wants to hear about somebody else’s.

Hey Thor, try using a Screwdriver!

If you have been following this blog recently, you may have noticed that my attempts to spin together descriptions of daily business adventures, Jigsaw corporate branding and useful insights for sales people might becoming somewhat forced. The Jigsaw angle is obviously the red headed stepchild of the three. But this week I am happy to report that the bond is lock tight and, just like the superglue that I accidentally squirted across my brand new hardwood floor, will be obvious for all to see.

This morning my furious networking efforts landed me at a meeting of volunteers for the Professional Career Center that is being opened with funding from the governor as part of the Charlotte Regional Economic & Workforce Recovery Initiative. Normally I run shrieking from anything that sounds government- oriented. But after I realized that no law enforcement officials would be involved and that I wouldn’t be required to wait in line at the DMV (that’s next week), I decided to give it a try. As it turns out, I have access to something that people looking to rejoin the white collar workforce need (business contact information), as well as extra energy needed for motivation.  In exchange I can meet other business execs that are similarly donating their time and resources to help get Charlotte back on track. Low and behold, I also get to investigate that inclination in the back of my psyche (Bart Simpson realized it was his conscience) that wants to take a break from racing around in my own personal gerbil ball and actually help other people in a community.

Anyway, I will be speaking on the topic of online research, and showing job searchers how to find potential employers, referrers, investors and other useful individuals on the web. Jigsaw will be the starting point, but our links to other resources like Linked In, Zoom Info, and Google will be helpful as well. Best of all, because of Jigsaw’s business model, it is easy to allow free access to Jigsaw without costing any real value dilution to our company. In fact, it helps spread the word to companies and teams that the people become employed by- and the more people interact with the data, the more accurate it becomes. Everybody wins.

Quickly, here are a few things you can do using contacts you find on Jigsaw:

1-      Get your resume “unstuck” from the web form application, corporate recruiter, or hr manager black hole.  Jigsaw, particularly when used with Linked In, can help you find a referring employee. Companies always prioritize referred applicants.

2-      Communicate with the real decision maker. Jigsaw can help you find the hiring manager, the SVP of Global Operations, Head widgetmaker, Compliance wonk, Taskmaster, Assistant to the Assistant General Manager, whomever you would actually be working for in the new job.

3-      Find out what the job is really like. Instead of the hiring company being in control of the information flow, you can contact potential future peers and ask them candid questions about what is going on.

So what about what’s in it for salespeople specifically?Jigsaw is particularly well suited for salespeople looking for a new gig (which describes every salesguy, all the time, or should) because salespeople are more likely to have the nerve to contact the above connections. In addition, any hiring manager worth his salt is going to ask you to prepare a territory plan as if you already have the job. Use Jigsaw to get the target DM title of every prospect company in your patch, listed out in Excel format, ready for upload into the company CRM system of choice at the touch of a button- if you get the job, of course.

How about them apples?

Tone what down?

Now that I am relatively settled in Charlotte(meaning that I know where to buy food, where to work out, I have an office, I’m barred from the nearest pub and I only get lost once a day), I have turned my attention to building my local network. Charlotte is somewhat late to the social networking thing, and is located in the South, so I’ve dusted off my sport coats (so poorly named) and have set out to connect the old fashioned way- in person. Much to wife’s chagrin, I have been accepting every invitation I can muster to meet Linked In friends-of- friends, Jigsaw members, local business leaders, street vendors, traveling minstrels- anyone who will accept an invitation to lunch or let me into their gathering.  During one such meeting, I came face to face with a condition that I think will require some thought on my part- namely the collision of my online (and thus actual) personality with the sensibilities of the typical Charlottean.

The case in point occurred during a workshop event sponsored by the BIG council at the Duke mansion. Bill Whitley, who I’ve only just met but like immensely, was enlightening a group of local entrepreneurs with his own brand of sales training centered around creating an engaging story for prospects. Basically his philosophy is that sales people need to create a “customer attraction story” that immediately piques the prospect’s interest and then serves as a core bond as they go through the various steps in a sales conversation or presentation. After relaying some particularly compelling examples and outlining the basic structure that all of these descriptions should have in common, he invited each participant to quickly write down their own customer story and then present to the table.

There aren’t a lot of things that I consider myself great at (obviously sentence structure isn’t one of them), but I can tell a story. After listening patiently through a few serviceable attempts, I was ready to rock the house. I didn’t even write anything down- I just adapted one of my many sales anecdotes into Bill’s format and launched in.  It was supposed to be a couple minutes, but judging by the smiling faces I went a little over the time limit- just to build the punch line- after which I was expecting to receive my usual accolades for humor, energy, personality, whatever.  Well, you can imagine my letdown when I focused my eyes (I get excited when I talk) and realized that my rocket had missed its mark. In fact, the first person to critique questioned my “flippant tone” and admonished me for “challenging the customer, when I didn’t know everyone involved.”  Even though everyone assured me that I had good enthusiasm, I felt like Michael Moore presenting at a GM stockholder meeting.

I’ve been in sales all my life- and I know that it is all about finding common ground with your customer, your community, your audience. Taking a guy who has always been on the edgy, confrontational, irreverent, and informal side, even for Boston and San Francisco, and plopping him down in a Southern city known for banking and church attendance is bound to make some waves. But this city’s economy is in a time of enormous transition (and thus potential), and I think there is plenty of room in the conversation for someone like me. I plan on bursting onto both the established business community AND the burgeoning Social Media scene here, and welcome challenges from all comers.

But don’t worry, Charlotte. I’ll keep my clothes on, pick up the check, listen first, and always keep my politics to myself.

Still Rocking the Sales 2.0 Boat

Last week I travelled to Chicago for the latest (roughly quarterly) installment of the Sales 2.0 Conference.  As a member of the self-coined Sales 2.0 Mafia, I was at first concerned that maybe the sustained RICO violations that the city is known for had affected the event. First off, getting local VPs of Sales and/or Marketing to attend was more challenging than at previous shows in San Francisco and Boston. All the sponsors and other “made” folks were there (Nigel Edelshain, Anneke Seley, Mike Damphousse, etc), but the CRM dons were conspicuously absent. The inherent inconsistency of the sponsored customer pitches was typical- each 10 minute opening is only as good as the speaker (although the Q&A panels are always solid). Given the relative lack of bright eyes in the audience and buzz in the networking area, by 11AM I was worrying that maybe the Sales 2.0 mantra of Accelerate Sales-Align (Sales, Lead Generation and Marketing) Process-Achieve Productivity might be on the wane.

But that must have been my Morton’s meat and brown booze hangover talking, because by 1PM my attitude had considerably improved. At lunchtime, the tables were filled with engaged execs loudly talking about their own challenges with revenue, ROI, social networking, productivity. The three representatives that were working the Jigsaw sponsored area (all under 30- ran me ragged at night) reported back with great activity and interest at the booth. In fact, we have already engaged with at least 10 enterprise leads and partner initiatives. David Thompson’s decision to allow cocktails to be served in the last Social Networking session starting at 3:45 was a stroke of pure brilliance. Maybe it was the social lubricant working its magic, but when I walked out as one of the last people around 7 PM I was completely jazzed with renewed excitement for the topic and had a list of follow-ups a mile long.

A quick review of some of the highlights in the presented content (minus the sponsored stuff- just assume the Jigsaw presentation by AdGooRoo was awesome and everyone else was so-so… yeah, I’m objective):

Intro: Gerhard Gschwandtner, dressed to the nines as usual, stating that “print is dead” based on a show of hands of about 4 sleepy people that they no longer read the newspaper. David Thompson exclaimed the Sesame Street word for the day, “alignment.” Sales with marketing, vendors with customers, sales with buying process…

Keynote: Lee Levitt said all the right words about “disqualification” of poor opportunities that waste the salesperson’s time and avoiding falling into selling pre-canned “solutions” to non-existent customer problems, but somewhere he lost the charisma that he must have embodied in order to have successfully sold stereo equipment door- to- door and other impressive experiences. A Des Moines joke fell lead balloon flat with a Mid Western audience.

HP’s Kevin Hooper spoke about how they leverage Sales 2.0 and particularly for a small company guy like me it was amazing in scale and delivery.  It might have been his fancy British accent, but his meticulous attention to metrics and “Selling through Curiosity” message really hit a cord with me. And the staggering improvements in terms of revenue by simply asking open ended questions and really being interested in customer motivations for purchases “walked the walk.”

Social Networking: Anneke Seley (wrote Sales 2.0 reference guide) and Nigel Edelshain (invented the term Sales 2.0, owns URL) were at their usual best, but Kevin Popovic stole the entire show. His George Michael (think Wham! days) look and incredible passion caught my (and everyone for a city block’s) attention immediately, but his utter command of the material and snazzy examples and results made him the highlight of the Conference. Bravo- crazy man.

All in all, another enjoyable and worthwhile event. I look forward to the next one in March 8-9 in San Francisco.

Embrace the Suck

Today I read an article in the New York Times (I’m not a subscriber-it got deposited outside my hotel door this morning) entitled “Pentagon Keeps Wary Watch as Troops and Their Superiors Blog.” Assuming that the piece would be filled with descriptions of rear echelon bureaucrats getting riled up about PFC Billy Bob’s love letters from the front, I set my mockery trigger to mangle and got ready to roll my eyes back into their natural position. Imagine my surprise when I learned about an “often funny and always profane” blog called Embrace the Suck.  Being the ADD boy I am, I spent the next hour that I had reserved for writing this blog reading about the exploits of the 2^nd Platoon Killahs. While I don’t think any specific detail about the posts are particularly fascinating or new, it’s the motto of the platoon that I embraced and reminded me of sales. Here’s an excerpt from the site:

“We have been in Iraq for more then 8 months and we all agree on one thing... this SUCKS! We left our families, our friends, our trucks and our lives to come fight a war thousands of miles away. We all choose to answer our nation's call to service for various reasons and now we are here sucking it... together! "Embracing the suck" is our platoon motto...  if can't laugh at yourself or your situation... then you are seriousily missing out.”

Everything, right down to the misspellings and placement of “our trucks” in the most missed list, reminded me of the inevitable bitching that occurs when you get a bunch of sales people together in a (bar)room  with no customers or management (I am definitely too immature and misbehaved to be considered management) around. Every sales blog out there has a running debate about whether their sales people are (or should be) Hunters or Farmers. [For the record, I feel you need to have the characteristics of both, but you need hunters before you can get to have farmers.] Sales people are actually Soldiers, if you ask me- trying to laugh at the lunacy and lack of control that accompany the “deadly” day-to-day combat that is the sales life.

There are all sorts of hackneyed war analogies for sales that I could trot out here, but what I want to key on is the commonality of how successful sales people and soldiers react to their predicaments- they withstand all the personal indignities and unfairness and bureaucracy, put on a smile, and forge ahead. When they get together, it all comes out in the form of “war” stories- and more often than not they are hilarious.

I write this blog as an outlet for all my pent up observations of the ridiculous. I hope that I am winning the tone battle to be lighthearted and forgiving, rather than snarky and sarcastic. I admire that the 2^nd Platoon killahs are winning that battle, too. If my customers and “partners “had guns and mines and my ass was literally on the line every day, I wouldn’t be….

Pricing Lessons

My first job in sales was selling client server software to CIO’s that were punch drunk from a world class executive seminar put on by my CEO. Before he went down hard in a made-for-tv family drama, John Donovan was the best salesperson that I have ever met, much less worked for. But his lessons were tough. Right around my 5^th week, we were having dinner with a group I called the Boeing Computing Gods (they looked the elder council in Shazam!) and the president leaned over to me and said “so how much is all this magic software going to set us back this year?” Fresh from dueling lectures by my product manager, who of course got out the spreadsheet pivot tables for every scenario, and my sales VP, who said “never talk about price,” I mumbled something about special discounts and per node variables. John quickly interjected that “with all the mainframe money we will save your engineers, you will be stealing our software out of the barrel for a  million bucks!” Like everything he uttered in front of customers, that comment delighted everyone at the table- so much so that they didn’t hear the “you idiot!” that he hissed toward me out of what I assumed were his poisonous eyes.

Every sales maven in the world talks about strategies for pricing: when to tell the customer, what to tell the customer, how to present the numbers, aim high and discount, pull your pants down early and blast out the competition, blah blah blah. The one thing that I can add to the conversation is that you need to be prepared with a money answer for all customer types at all stages in the sales cycle. Whether you sell BtoB software that is so customized that no two proposals look the same (that might be redundant), or rice out in front of a world commodities price ticker, always be ready with an answer for the guy who blurts out some version of “How much for the little girl?”

My favorite answers are all semi-serious (imagine that) and pretty witty if you ask me. When people ask the price with their first breath, finance guy style, I ask them how much money they make. (Hey, we’re crossing boundaries here, let’s all get into it) When someone yells out in front of a large group ( usually an IT dork with vendor muscles) I ask what the budget is of the highest ranking person in the room (they are never the same person).    When asked at a more appropriate time, or by someone that might well end the discussion if I smart talk them (or hang up the phone), I have something ready that hits all these criteria:

1-      Short. 30 words or less in under 10 seconds.

2-      Simple. If you have to re-explain the product by naming the price, you lose.

3-      Non-specific. Anything  precise you say is the price to be whittled down later or run away from now.

4-      Balanced. There should be a very low number and a very high number- let the customer gravitate to one of them.

5-      Be firm (yet friendly). Don’t grovel- everything costs money.

I answered this question twice at a presentation last week- once to the CIO of a Fortune 500 company that I am helping to pitch and once to the proprietor of a one- person home shop that sells eco-friendly lunch boxes. “At Jigsaw, we prefer to exchange data, but if you insist on paying we’ll charge you anywhere from $1 per contact to $1 million for the whole barrel.”

You Know?

You know what? You probably, um…you know… sound like an idiot!

Now that I’m working from my guest bedroom, without the perk of a (relatively) soundproof office, it means that for the first time since Jigsaw’s inception that my conversations can be overheard.  Don’t get me wrong- my family would rather listen to Urkel sing falsetto than pay attention to my business yip-yap all day. Nevertheless my wife has caught snippets of my prattle and couldn’t help but notice that particularly when speaking formally that I say “you know” practically every other word. I’ve been trying to eradicate this amazingly sticky expression from my vocabulary (it is hard!) and unfortunately I now notice it in everyone else, too.

Y’know is one of several filler words or syllables known (to linguistics dorks only, I’m sure) as discourse markers. Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Discourse_marker) – where all internet info junkies hang out - aptly defines them as “a word or phrase that is relatively syntax-independent, does not have a particular grammatical function, does not change the meaning of the utterance, and has a somewhat empty meaning.” I found other descriptions of these diction hiccups as making a connection between what you are saying and yourself or the listener, serving as a marker for emphasis, changing the topic of a conversation, serving as a pause and a few other high-brow excuses, but if you ask me they are just nervous ticks in conversation. And like all mannerisms they can at best slightly distract the observer or at worst make him want to crawl out of his skin.

Before you take yourself out to the woodshed of self-guilt and loathing (I had to move back east to get a bigger space for mine), realize that everyone talks like this. I found stats that upwards of 20% of words communicated in all languages, across all age groups and education levels are of the “um, you know, er, OK, I mean, like, ah” variety. I watch a lot of ESPN - which may be why I chose “you know” - but I’m not alone. Caroline Kennedy lost a shoo-in senate seat by saying the same thing 46 times in a 5-minute interview on television.  Maybe it’s just because of the slower, more accented speech, but Southerners seem to say “you know” more, too.  (Input NASCAR joke here, hah hah - that’s so original, you’re so, you know, hilarious!)

Some of my favorite corporate speak bingo terms have become so prevalent that they are actually discourse markers. The most dangerous examples are so distorted in usage that they actually can anger (or at least confuse) the listener.

1. “At the end of the day, a happy customer is the most important thing.” Shouldn’t you start making your customer happy first thing?  

2. “Basically, it’s a question of metaphysical proportionality.” What’s so basic about that- you arrogant a-hole?

3. “Again, I’m here to introduce your new comp plan.” That’s the first sentence you said, Mr. New Guy Sales Manager, so the “again” part makes you sound like you’re scolding us to listen, douche bag.

If you are in sales, you might want to take a look (or a listen) at what repetitive verbal ruts you may have fallen into lately. I guarantee you will find something that weakens your presentation.

You know what I’m saying?

Don't Pass the Buck

As many of you know I just “completed” (still living out of boxes and working through a wireless internet card on my laptop) a move to Charlotte, NC.  Between selling one house in California, arranging the transport of all our belongings and starting all the services necessary for a digital life on the other end, I have encountered enough vendors to fuel a ton of blog posts- mostly in the “what not to do” category.  Top on my list is one of the most infuriating and idiotic customer support blunders out there: when the person that is “helping” you doesn’t take ownership of your problem.

The company that moved my cars provided the most glaring (and shameless) example of “passing the buck.” I knew going in that I wasn’t going to get W hotel style service (“hello Mr. Moulton, what is your wish”) from any of these guys. That’s why I thought I was wise in choosing Company A. [I’m so tempted to call those f^ckers out by name! ] They are a small, local, very well-referred company that were up front about being the “most expensive because we don’t cut corners.”  While every other large national transport company had an advanced phone tree that landed me with a different operator from God-knows-where each time I called, this company had one location and a very friendly person (who I will call Wendy) that insisted I speak only with her through the process. Everyone else was squirrelly about when my cars would be delivered; Wendy ensured me that my cars would be delivered on or before my date of arrival in NC (I had a friend who would have taken the delivery).  I called back twice after scheduling the order to test the customer service and got my personal assistant each time. When I dropped off the cars July 21st, Wendy wasn’t around, but the two people in the office were nice as pie and again confirmed that my cars would be there on July 30th. Nothing to worry about, right?

Fast forward to July 29th, when my wife called the company to check up on the progress of the truck.  She was connected to an equally sweet sounding voice that told her that Wendy was no longer with the company, but that everything was fine with our cars – they would be loaded onto a truck that day! My wife, picturing our family at the Charlotte airport the next afternoon with 15 bags trying to rent a minivan in the 90-degree humidity to replace our SUV, naturally blew a gasket. I immediately called the number back and barked my way through to the person “in charge.” She sounded like one of Marge Simpson’s sisters (the nicotine fiends that work at the DMV) and was actually condescending to me as I attempted to describe why receiving my car “no later than the industry standard 14 days from drop off [August 6]” was not going to work for me. Not only did she start every sentence with “again, Mr. Moulton, I didn’t take your order,” but she completely brushed aside any mention of Wendy and all the guarantees that I had factored in while actually choosing the company in the first place. She had been in the business for 20 years, “honey,” and nobody can deliver a car on a certain day - and my contract says that they have to get it there in 14 days.  I escalated to the owner (Danny DeVito’s character from Taxi) and got the same contract talk, but no ownership of the guarantees that an actual employee of the very small company had given only two weeks prior. Louie even took the extra “up yours” step of promising to cover a few days of the rental car and then reneging!

Contrast this with Jigsaw’s response to our biggest customer support nightmare that happened in 2004. A marketing consultant sent an email to all 1200 of our top members with everyone’s email address visible in the “To:” field.  It unleashed an unbelievable viral (perfect descriptor in all ways) sh^t storm of “reply to alls” from furious recipients.  After a brief panic session, we decided that Fowler would jump on the grenade and take personal responsibility for the error. It immediately extinguished the angry flames and Jigsaw even gained some lifetime members that day.  We still make mistakes all the time, but we coach our people to never say “not my department.”

Simple lesson: no matter what you sell, regardless of whose fault it might be, don’t ever pass the buck when a customer is angry. Acknowledge the issue and get the customer to a person who can do the best job possible of correcting the problem.