A Sales Email that doesn’t Suck

My first post on Garth’s World talks generally how to construct an introductory client communication that won’t get machine gunned into the junk file by a busy executive. Here is a specific example that caught Jim’s (Fowler, Jigsaw CEO) eye and his response. It’s from a search consultant, too, which I think qualifies as a miracle- I get an hourly spam cannonball from the same knucklehead using a Gmail address telling me how he can triple my SEM…

Read from the top:

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From: [Search marketing sales guy]
Sent: Wednesday, May 07, 2008 12:57 PM
To: Jim Fowler
Subject: Short bullet point email

Jim,

I talked to one of your guys at Ad:Tech. I like love your service.

Your Google search advertising leaves much to be desired. Here's why:

• You're paying too much per click (by 21% to 39%)
• Your ads are buried below your competition (screenshot enclosed)
• You're missing many of the latest optimization techniques

If you're open to a new progressive search marketing agency, when can we talk?

[First Name and signature file]

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From: Jim Fowler
Sent: Wednesday, May 07, 2008 1:15 PM
To:Sales Guy, Jigsaw Marketing folks
Subject: RE: Short bullet point email

[Sales guy],

I’m thinking about using your email as a model for how to communicate with me.  Way to listen and get my attention at the same time.  Please forward this to your boss and tell him I suggest you get a raise.  I’ve also cc’d our VP of Global Sales/BizDev, as we’re always looking for great sales people.

The person who has complete budget and responsibility for SEM/SEO is [Jigsaw marketing director] (she’s on Jigsaw).  I’ve cc’d her here. 

Note: we are coming off a nasty experience with [your competitor].  [our director] will likely be gun shy.

Best of luck.

Fowler

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From: Jim Fowler
Sent: Wednesday, May 07, 2008 1:50 PM
To: Biz Dev; Sales (All); Marketing; Garth Moulton
Subject: FW: Short bullet point email

Team,

This is one of the finest examples of a sales outreach email I’ve ever seen:

• He read and listened to my contact preferences/instructions
• Used the fact that he read the instructions to get my attention
• VERY crisp communication throughout the email – no extra blah, blah, blah.
• He complimented Jigsaw, which is like complimenting my kid.  Makes me feel good.
• The bullet points have numbers (yes, they’re probably BS, but who cares – got my attention)
• Attached an actual real-life example of what we can do to improve
• Provided a call to action at the end
• Notice the response I gave him.  I provided extremely valuable data – something that will happen to you too, if you do it right like [sales guy].

REALLY impressive.  I would be very pleased to see the quality of our outbound 1to1 emails from our sales team be of this quality.  Please make it happen!

Fowler

Comments

[Jerry Matlin]

Right on! People do not read now as they did years ago. I struggle with my sales people and clients to bullet and get to the point; particularly in emails.

[Raza Imam]

Thanks for sharing. I left a VM for the CEO of a company I was trying to call. Then I called their CIO and he said "Are you selling something? Goodbye"

I was furious. So I sent this email...

"You can corroborate my story with Ruben Pettiford and Steve McCollough…

I hate salespeople because they’re self-serving… they interrupt your day and beg for your time and money. I’m emailing you because we work with non-profits on the West Side exactly like yours.

We do full-time IT for Circle Family Healthcare Network and Bethel New Life here in Chicago. I’m not sure if you’re using terminal services and virtualization, but we deployed these two solutions for Bethel and CFHCN and it works well for them. It saves money and makes DR/BC a breeze.

I’m not a salesman. If you’re interested in talking we can meet. If not, I won’t contact you again."

Guess what, I got a response...

Raza Imam
http://SoftwareSweatshop.com

[Larry Benet]

I agree too often people leave messages
that give no reason to get your attention
or cause you to want to follow up with them.

What this e mail shows is someone
who did his research, understands the problems
you are facing, and he did a great job of highlighting what the opportunity would be for Jigsaw.

He demonstrated why you should pay attention to his communication.

When you can solve someone's problems it is much easier to break thru the clutter and get the attention you deserve.

Larry Benet
The Connector